The Clock Would Stop
by Ambiguous Umbra
Summary: Buffy is forced to make a descision that could result in either the destruction of the earth or the death of her beloved friend, Xander. UPDATED: Chapter 13 is up.
1. Prologue

Hello everyone! Been a long time since I've posted anything. Got inspired by a couple of fanvids off of youtube so I decided to write my own fic. There will be a soundtrack for this book which I'll post at the very end of the story. Thanks. Comments are appreciated.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters from Buffy: The Vampire Slayer. They all belong to Joss Whedon and UPN. All of the other characters though are my creation and therefore, belong to me.

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I had not watched him descend into darkness. I didn't know that he had until I had seen him nearly a month after he'd disappeared in the middle of a patrol. For the longest time, we all had given up hope; finding no one who could tell us where he was and getting absolutely no where in our own searching. And then, he was there.

I was glad that I had not seen his mind become tortured and finally break under the strain they had caused him… but I wished I could have been there, to save him from it. To hold him as he has held me so many times and whisper that we were all there with him and that we loved him. But I couldn't.

I knew that I would be driven to kill my friend, someone whom I had known since I was young and inexperienced; someone who I knew I could count on in rough times, because he had always pulled me out of mine. I didn't want to. I couldn't. But if I didn't, the inevitable apocalypse would reign fiery hell on everyone in the world. Even to save the world from death by fire… I couldn't bring myself to do it. And if the world was going to burn, there was no other place I would rather be than with him.

Torn, I stare deeply into him, the tears clinging to the rims of my eyes. He was someone completely different. He wasn't the man that I had grown up with, he wasn't the one whom had saved me so many times. That man was gone. This one was bitter, cold, and tragic. All of the love and tranquility that he had once stood for was replaced by air.

The man who sees everything had been completely blinded from the truth. And there was no spell that could bring him back to us.

"I'm sorry, Xander!" I bawled suddenly, my hand gripped around the sword firmly. I rushed at him to bring it all to an end.


	2. A Lot Of Life in You

I was very surprised how many hits I got on this story in the first day! I can't wait until you all really get into the story! I also forgot to mention that this timeline does not run parallel to the events that occured in the last episode. Sunnydale was never swallowed by the earth, it was just the highschool that was destroyed. Also, the potentials' absence will be explained. Somethings are still the same. Some are not. For artistic reasons.

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_One Month Ago…_

Opening the trunk of the car, Buffy stared in and swore under her breath. "Shit." The sun was warm on her back but the wind chilled her, reaching through the fibers of her sweater and making her shiver. The grocery bags had toppled over on top of one another, leaving an array of food and some sort of liquid seeping into the fabric on the bottom of the trunk. Reaching in hesitantly, she lifted a bag and looked inside, finding that a stake had punctured the gallon of milk, with nothing left inside. She cringed. That was going to smell _really_ bad later. 'I really should have taken it easy going around that corner…' she considered, remembering how she'd swerved onto her road to avoid being taken out by the car on her tail. 'Kids..' she thought with dismay.

The early November day was brisk but clear, just like she had hoped it would be when she'd awoken that morning. And yet, there was no one outside enjoying it. She sighed, grabbing hold of a couple plastic bags that had not been soaked and started up the walk to the house. Even though a strong reflection shone in the window, she could make out Willow's brilliant red hair on the couch and knew that she was either stuck in a good book or trying to coerce someone else into doing something fun. Buffy smiled to herself as she climbed the steps and opened the door.

"Hey!" she called, knowing that someone would hear her. She heard the flop of a magazine in the other room and Willow appeared in the doorway. "Great. Food!" she exclaimed. "We had nothing in there… except Twinkies." she giggled, peering into the bag.

"Well, at least Xander would have survived if I hadn't gone." she joked, moving towards the kitchen. She placed the bags on the counter and began removing the contents. She looked up at Willow who had become silent. "Is he here?" she asked the witch with a little hesitance in her voice.

"I went to see if he wanted to go for a walk. He was already gone." she said lowly.

"It's been three months." Buffy speculated more to herself than to Willow and pushed some ice cream into the freezer.

"She was his fiancee." Willow justified in her meek voice. "He'll move on when he's ready. For now we're just going to have to be here for him."

Buffy nodded, nearly forgetting what she had been like when she'd watched Spike sacrifice himself for their safety. Xander deserved his time to grieve as well. And it didn't help that he'd lost his eye as well. She just missed his smile and the light he emanated. It was really one of the only things that had been stable in her life, when the ground always seemed to be shifting and other people's alliances flip-flopping here and there. Xander had always remained true to himself, sarcastic, joking, and rarely serious. But these past few months even when he'd tried to put on a happy face, she could still sense the sadness in his eyes.

Trying to shift the subject, Buffy began putting the bread away in the basket at the back of the counter. "I haven't heard anything from Dawn. Have you talked with her?"

Willow's smile beamed once more. "She called while you were out. I told her you would call her back."

Buffy's own smile grew. Her younger sister had gone off to college that fall and had been adjusting to it nicely. The slayer knew that it would be good to get her away from the killing atmosphere and to further her studies somewhere away from Sunnydale. Part of her was crushed that she'd missed the phone call but she knew she'd be seeing Dawn soon. Thanksgiving break would be coming up in two weeks. "Did she say how everything is going?"

"She's been working on a few different projects for an anthropology class and studying for tests. Sounds as if she's having a good time." Willow reported, snatching a bag of chips from a bag and opening them with a high pitched squeak from the bag.

"That's good." Buffy replied with an almost dazed voice. Part of her mind was dwelling on Spike, remembering their last heartfelt moments together in the basement of the school, holding his hand as if instantaneously lit into flame. Though she'd never wanted to let go, the fire scorched her skin and he'd more than pushed her hand out of his, to keep her from suffering. If she'd had the choice… she probably would not have left him…

"Buffy…?" Willow questioned.

The slayer looked up and acknowledged her friend with a fragile smile. "I was just remembering…." she trailed off.

Willow waited for an answer, even though she knew who it was that Buffy was thinking about.

"…nothing." Buffy responded instead. "You wanna help me unpack the rest of the groceries?"

"Sure."

Both women walked outside to the car. On the way down the steps, they were greeted by Faith, who had just returned from the library. After the Sunnydale high school had been destroyed at the end of their battle with The First, the construction company that Xander had worked for had hurriedly cleaned the debris and rebuilt another library across town. The high school was still in the process of being rebuilt and … what a surprise… it would be on top of the Hellmouth again.

"Hi," Buffy greeted noticing the two large books she had in her arms. "Researching something?"

Sweeping a lock of brown hair that had fallen in front of her large eyes, Faith swept it away and glanced down at the book on the top. "Yeah, how to make your ex vanish." she smiled a humorless smirk.

"Robin still bothering you?" Buffy guessed, moving to the trunk and grabbing a soaked bag absentmindedly.

"God, I don't know what I saw in him. He's so… smug with himself." she curled her lip at the thought and locked her eyes on the trunk. "B, what is that?" she stated blandly.

Buffy glanced at the large soaked spot in the trunk. Willow, too, had noticed it and shrunk back a little, looking at her friend for an explanation.

The slayer chuckled a little. "Milk?" she said.

"Okay, and why is it… everywhere?" Faith continued.

"You remember how we keep all of the stakes in the trunk?" she brought up. Both friends raised their heads in realization. Willow let out something reminiscent of a low 'eww.' Faith just turned her head and continued up to the house. "Nice." was all she said.

Buffy and Willow looked at each other and sighed deeply.


	3. Just Like We Do

Night swirled down on Sunnydale, blanketing it in a tumultuous roll of black clouds. The sky was a deep gunmetal grey at around four o'clock. Buffy stood at the living room window, gazing out on the street as rain began to splinter down on the earth. Willow was sitting curled up in an armchair staring down at her hands as if searching for something in them. Faith paced through the room, back and forth, back and forth, anger flaring in her coffee eyes.

The creak of the door in the entry way split the silence and Xander entered, with damp tossled hair and raindrops speckling his coat.

Buffy released a breath carefully and closed her eyes a little. Though she would not deny that she had been slightly worried about Xander's day long absence, she also knew that she would need to dive in to the situation at hand and try to lend herself to her childhood friend's needs. After all, they were in similar situations, having lost the ones that they loved in the same battle, having encountered the same emotional wounds that left angry scars on them. But as she opened her own eyes once again, she could tell that he was dismayed at the sight of them all waiting in the den on the edges of their seats. He didn't say as much.

"Hey." he greeted softly, catching Faith's wrathful stare out of the corner of his eyes, but choosing to ignore it. "Did I miss something?"

A bad question to ask, Buffy thought, knowing that Faith would jump in with a hard edged truth of their fear for his safety.

However, the brunette slayer resisted her urge and stalked past him in a huff, snatching her leather coat from the stand and leaving the house, the door banging behind her.

Xander's sight had dropped to the floor to refuse making eye contact with her. Once she was gone, he lifted his head to Buffy and Willow and stated simply, "Argument?"

Buffy pursed her lips momentarily. Courage, however, failed her. "I don't know what's wrong with Faith." she stated. Willow caught her gaze for a second and also shook her head.

Xander, however, could see straight through the comment. He took the statement on the chin and gave a delicate smile. "Great how everything is back to normal again." he remarked off hand, setting his bag down on the floor and dropping onto the couch next to Buffy with a heavy sigh.

She took the opportunity to rest her head on his shoulder and was received with his head resting against hers softly. Reaching over, she tentatively let her small hand rest on his. "Where were you?" she questioned innocently, leaving nothing behind the voice but plain curiosity.

He cleared his throat awkwardly and straightened his posture on the couch a little. "I was at the library." he said plainly.

'_Faith would have seen him there…_' Buffy thought to herself even though she already knew that he was lying. Although she regretted it, she could feel her lips moving onward. "You must have seen Faith then." she concluded.

There was a hitch in Xander's breathing and he again shifted his weight in the sofa. "Must have been in a different section." he stated offhandedly.

Buffy stared at the floorboards without turning to look at him. "Yeah. Must have." she agreed.

* * *

Dinner passed like it did every night. Silently. Xander sat alienated on the left hand side of the table, the chair where Faith usually was sat vacant, and Willow and Buffy sat along the right side of the table, staring at their plates and chewing their food quietly. Every once and a while, Buffy lifted her eyes to the window, searching for Faith. But the walk was desolate, lit only by the dull yellow of the porch light.

Willow bit into a roll and glanced up at Xander who just stared at his food as if it wasn't there at all. "Xand?" she whispered.

His eye focused and passed over Willow's worried look. "Sorry. I was… thinking." he explained, lifting his hamburger off the plate and taking a large bite out of it.

Buffy now was watching as he wolfed down the food in front of him. One would think he had been starving himself had they not actually known Xander. He cleaned the plate within five minutes. Looking up again, he saw that Willow and Buffy were watching him intently.

"Uh…" he began, not sure what to say.

In that moment, a stifled laugh erupted from Buffy and she doubled over, grinning widely.

Willow joined in momentarily with a giggle which later turned into a bright warm smile.

Xander scoffed, but couldn't hold back his own mirth in the situation. Pretty soon, they were all exploding in laughs, eyes closed and mouths wide, golden amusement thawing the ice cold atmosphere that had once been there.


	4. Requiem for a Headstone

Wind rustled through the graveyard, sending a tsunami of fallen dead leaves before the three figures ambling through. It caused different feelings in each of the Scoobies, but all of them were uncomfortable and unfriendly. The sensation for Xander was like pins and needles prickling in his back. He winced, remembering that feeling from when Caleb had caught him during their escape from the first battle. Even before the preacher had jabbed his eye out, Xander had known that something was going to happen, something that he could not change once it had happened and could only stand paralyzed in the man's grip as the stinging in his body grew unbearable. It was like this now. Whether or not it was because of his friend's suspicion of his activities or just the atmosphere at the moment, he could not determine.

Willow pulled her rose colored jacket closer to her, which didn't seem to stop the brutal icy wind from reaching her. Coldness was always accompanied with painful realization and truth. She knew that at some point, Buffy and her were going to have to sit down with Xander and discuss what had happened to them all in the wake of the battle against the First. Though she knew her two friends were suffering more from it than herself, the lovers they had lost had also been her friends, and so similar feelings were felt. Her sight glided over to Buffy whose eyes were staring into the tendrils of fog rolling out of the forest across the long stretch of graves from them. If only the slayer could confide in her, then maybe it would be easier for Xander to do the same.

Buffy's deep brown eyes settled on the headstones strewn around them and the fog that had somehow emerged despite the light rain and brisk wind. This right here, was a stereotypical graveyard if she'd ever seen one. Then again she'd been patrolling the Sunnydale Cemetary for years, it had become familiar and almost nostalgic in a way. Tonight it was just plain creeping her out. The chill in the air had caused a nausea to seep into her stomach and wriggle around so that she barely felt like she could take another step. Though the laughter at dinner had been a refreshing break for the threesome, she knew that the time to face each other would have to come soon. Secrets buried deeply always had a way of causing more harm than good. She remembered the secret she had kept about being ripped away from Heaven by her friends when they had brought her back to life. In keeping it, they had all been coerced into a song and dance nightmare by a red faced demon who wanted to marry Dawn. She paused in her thought. It could have been a lot worse, she decided. In the end, it had been Xander whom had summoned the demon after all, but she realized that with everything that had spilled just from not being forthcoming, they couldn't risk doing this to each other again. It was too dangerous. It inhibited them from being a family.

"Xander." Buffy said quietly, stopping in the middle of a row of headstones.

He had almost not heard her over the zephyr, but stopped himself next to Willow and looked at her. "Yeah?"

"You were here." she said strongly, blinking a couple of times. "Weren't you?"

He sucked in a deep breath, and tapped his stake in the palm of his hand absentmindedly.

She started forward, attempting to grab his hand. "I miss her too…"

Xander stepped back, just out of reach, taking another sharp breath. "Please," he smiled without happiness, his eyes somber and begging. "Don't."

"It needs to be said." Willow spoke finally, holding his arm carefully. "You're not the only one who has ever lost someone." Her green irises were dark and wet, staring into his hazel one.

"I never said I was." he retorted, chuckling to himself. His face hardened when he looked back up at her and contorted as his mouth grew straight and lips quivered.

Willow yipped suddenly, topping over into the mist covered grass. Instantly forgetting his sadness, Xander reached down to catch her, noticing a pale hand coming up from the ground, grabbing onto the witch's leg. "Son of a bitch." he growled, ripping the hand off of Willow and dragging her backwards by her shoulders away from the grave.

The vampire's head emerged from the ground, a layer of dirt sliding down through the facial crevices and creases, eyes seemingly black and with its game face in view. "Come back, pretty little girl." it taunted, snickering to itself.

Buffy leapt in to the fray and kicked the vamp's head, causing it to snap back. "Ow!" it complained, another hand bursting through the soil and reached into its mouth, producing a shard of something white. "You chipped my tooth."

"Sorry." Buffy apologized awkwardly, a brow rising.

"Could you at least just let me get out before you start kicking my ass?"

"I'm not exactly trying to make this a fair fight." Buffy informed, twirling the stake in her hand.

"Of course not." it growled to itself, working its way out of the soil regardless. Catching a smile from Xander and Willow, Buffy allowed it to fully surface and dusted off her jeans whilst it did so.

"There." the vampire stated, snorting. "Now, you can kick me."

"What ever you say." Buffy smirked and darted forward with her stake at the ready. The creature caught her arm, whipping her around and catching her torso with its other arm.

Xander staggered forward, his eye wide.

"You shouldn't have listened to me." it said deviously, its breath glaring down hot on her neck.

Buffy grimaced and drove her leg up behind her, her boot connecting with the vampire's knee. The audible sound the knee cap crunching resounded through the air and the creature let her go, stumbling backwards.

Xander relaxed from his position and assisted Willow to stand. The redhead was shaking a little but had buried the emotion, holding a determined glare for the beast.

Buffy sauntered over, smiling down at the monster. "You were so worried about your teeth; you should be more worried about your breath." she joked, getting ready to hammer the sharp wooden object into its heart.

Just as she raised it, she watched the vampire's face blanch (if it could get any whiter) and its eyes dart to a spot on their left. "Don't." it spoke carefully, ears on the ready. Confused, Buffy stopped just inches from its heart and let her own slayer senses open up to the world around them. She couldn't hear anything besides the leaves and her own breathing. "Nice try. I don't fall for those easily."

This was when she heard it. A slithering sort of sound, almost as if it had begun to course through the leaves on the ground, from the forest a few feet away. Noticing its opportunity, the vampire surprised her, pushing her back with super strength. Buffy landed next to her friends, rolling in the grass just out of their reach.

"Buffy!" Willow ran to her, assisting her up from the ground.

The vampire stood up, but instead of attacking, it listened to the now quite audible noise emerging from the forest. It focused on it as the three watched. And it muttered something that made Buffy want to throw up. "Something wicked this way comes."

As quick as it had been there, the vampire fled in the other direction across the graveyard. The three Scoobies stood there listening as what ever it was draw closer. A primordial scream echoed from the direction that the vampire had fled followed by the all too farmilliar scent of vamp dust in the wind. It had killed a creature of darkness… but Buffy could tell that this thing was all but good itself. "Great." she spoke beneath her breath. "Another big bad." Her friends stiffened at the words.

Materializing out of the mist around them, several grisly creatures took shape, their faces pulled from the nightmares of adults and small children alike. Long claws protruded from the ends of their fingers and their blood red eyes were ultimately larger than any that Buffy had ever seen on a bi-ped monster. As they opened their mouths to reveal crooked yellow fangs stringed with saliva, they released high pitched screams, causing the Scoobies to clap their hands over their ears.

Breath rolled from their mouths as they surrounded the group, arms taut and ready at their sides as if connecting the ring.

The three friends huddled together in the center. Willow guarded a stake, trying to summon the memory of helpful magic spells to aid them. Xander had ditched his stake and revealed a crossbow, holding it at the ready, swinging to and fro, undecided as to who would get the first arrow. Buffy herself had also given up the stake and resorted to a straight bladed sword which she held expertly and with fortitude. Each of them faced a different direction, waiting for something to give.

"Too bad Faith doesn't know about our little party." Willow commented under her breath to her friends.

Buffy growled quietly at the thought of the other slayer. "She's probably getting into trouble somewhere else."

"Okay." Xander finally chimed in. "Isn't this usually the moment where the uber-scary bad guy in charge shows up and tells us all about his plans and how he wants to kill us?"

"Usually." Buffy agreed. "But I'm not seeing anyone really… intelligent enough here to be able to speak."

The other two nodded in agreement.

The ring began to close in around them, the creatures creeping closer every second. Xander looked at Buffy out of the corner of his eye. "I don't see big bad yet…" he said carefully.

"We can't wait for him to appear." Buffy stated, swirling the sword around and getting ready for a strike. "We should start before they get the chance."

He nodded. "Let the shit hit the fan." he muttered and released the arrow at a monster on his right.


	5. You Can Do No Wrong

Sorry about the delay. I've been working for the past couple of days. Big sales. Lots of moolah to be made. Anyway, I'll be posting Chapter 5 at some point either tomorrow during the day or Monday at some point during the day. Thanks all.

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The first creature jerked backward as the arrow stuck in its neck, black ooze spurting from each side of its throat. It fell to the ground like a ton of bricks. That was when the rest of them descended in a wave upon the three.

Willow screamed and ducked as a creature leapt through the air towards her. It soared over her, tucking and rolling back to its feet and launching back at her again. "Ignus!" she yelled, watching as a flame sprouted from the palm of her hand and snaked through the air at the monster. It took the hit in the face and screeched, as it tried to claw the fire off of it. Bloody streaks ran across its cheeks and eyes from the self damage. As it writhed on the ground, Willow turned her attention to another group whom was headed towards her. "Usually they wait and attack you one by one!" she hollered to the others, running off in the direction of a crypt.

"I don't think they want to play by the rules!" Xander responded, kicking one down and stabbing a stake through its heart. It reeled, clutching at the wooden splint and plucked it from its chest. "Not a vampire. Forgot." he said to himself, sliding out of the way just in time to avoid it's lethal claws. Sliding a knife out of a sheathe, he whipped it through the air towards the creature's throat. It caught his arm in mid air, the claws digging into his flesh and pricks of dark blood emerging. Crying out, he twisted in the other direction and brought up his leg, kicking it hard into the creature's abdomen. It dropped beneath him, the claws shredding soft tissue as they were reluctantly pulled free.

Cradling his arm close, Xander glared hard at the monster and slammed his boot down on the its head continuously, a sickening crack reaching him each time. "You...look… like…. a… possessed… lemur…!" he grunted, stomping harder until he couldn't even recognize a face anymore. "Ugg." he stated, glancing at the deceased monster. He scanned the area, searching for Willow and Buffy to see how they were fairing.

Buffy kicked a monster straight in the gut, sending it hurtling through the air and colliding with a couple who had begun to go after Willow. Her heart hammering in her chest, she sprinted towards her friend who had been surrounded by several of the beasts. Backed against a crypt wall, four of them had created a tight circle around the witch, squealing and cackling with their high pitched voices, reminding Willow of the velociraptors from Jurassic Park. In her hand, a tiny silver glint of light was pulsing, her face waxing and waning in its blinking pattern. The energy being stored in the ball was hot and fiery, causing her veins to lightly burn and eyes to mist faintly. Having used so much magic was beginning to take its toll on her. Ever since the events of the final fight against the First, her magical influence had lessened greatly, making it more difficult for her to use it over long periods of time. Even now, having only used a blast for a fireball and a little to generate a blinding light, she could feel the energy leeching out of her, every pulse used to strengthen the luminosity drained her further.

Now finding it taxing to try and summon enough energy for one more pulse, Willow finally drew on the culminated power and let it rise with in her, hot bile simmering in her throat. "Lux sit!" she cried. Pin points of light leapt from her fingertips like laser beams and intersected with her attackers, slicing limbs, and burning holes in them. The creatures thrashed and shrieked, plummeting to the ground, trying to defend themselves from the sizzling white illumination. Despite the agony their deformed bodies were going through, they crawled their way towards Willow, who had begun to slump down into unconsciousness from the sudden loss of power.

Xander didn't even blink as he crossed the cemetery, sprinting as fast as he could and dodging attacks by creatures along the way to get to her. "I'm coming!" he called to his friend, knowing that she was already lost in the blackness of sleep. Buffy, whom had been on her way over had become engaged with two monsters, leaving Xander to hack through the jungle undergrowth of possessed lemur-like demons.

His path had become obscured by at least five of them and without anymore stakes or the time to load another arrow onto the crossbow, he had to resort to swinging the favored instrument around, cracking it against the heads and bodies as he kept his eye on Willow just beyond his reach. The warm metal on the crossbow suddenly dissolved as he felt it slide quickly out of his grip and the sound of its frame clinked against a headstone not too far away. Xander forgot all about his injured arm as he was forced to the ground by a demon and began crawling backwards away from it, eye wide in panic.

Looking past the malformed and animalistic face of his attacker, he could see that Buffy had been able to make it to Willow and was protecting her from approaching assaults. He, however, really could have used her help right then. Cold stone hit his back, a quiver jarring his stomach as he realized he couldn't go anywhere. "Oh crap…" he muttered, watching as it grew closer, his eyes locking on its jagged saw blade like teeth.

In a dark flurry, the head came tumbling off onto the ground beside him, midnight blood splashing across his shirt and the earth beneath. Panting ragged breaths, he glanced up slowly to behold Faith, holding a large axe and frowning slightly. "Looks like you needed me." she said carefully, offering a hand.

After a sharp intake of breath, he reached up and grabbed hold as she practically hauled him to his feet. "Thanks." he said, trying to look into her deep brown eyes. They shifted about however, on the look out for any other potential threats. "No problem." she responded mechanically, shoving a stake into his hands and running down a few columns of tombstones to reach Buffy and the unconscious Willow.

With a break of sudden silence, the group realized that the creatures had up and vanished, barely making a noise in their escape. Trying to catch her breath, Buffy hoisted Willow up so that she was supported on her shoulder and allowed Faith to take Willow's other arm. "What happened to her? What were those things?" Faith inquired to Buffy.

The blond slayer just shook her head and raised it to meet Xander's gaze as they all came together in the middle of the graveyard, looking around suspiciously. "They just… came out from the mist during the middle of a vampire slaying." she informed, tucking her stake into a holder on her belt loop. "They got to him first."

"They killed it?"

"Yup." Xander confirmed. "It ran out of here like a bat out of hell trying to escape but… still didn't get anywhere."

Flashes of curiosity crossed each of their faces, wondering about the motives for the impromptu fight. Buffy's dissolved however when she noticed Xander holding his arm in a funny position. "Are you okay?"

He allowed her to look at the damage, turning the limb so that they could look at the injury in full. Ragged pieces of flesh dangled from three deep gashes in his arm, rich life dribbling down the humorous in mini rivers.

Faith slid a hankerchief from her pocket and pressed it onto Xander's wound, making him seeth and swear under his breath. "Your welcome." she jeered.

"We'd better get you and Willow to the hospital. We can worry about those demons later when we have some time to find something out about them." Buffy decided, starting off in the direction of the car with Willow now fully leaning on her and the other two trudging behind her. Part of her knew that with the witch incapacitated indefinitely and Xander being treated, it would be between Faith and her to look up information on the creatures. Recognizing her fellow slayers resentment towards research of any kind, Buffy knew that she would need to get someone else involved in this query. She only hoped that Giles could spare a few moments from his training with the Potentials in London. She needed him.

The four figures were swallowed up in the cool fog and light rain of the very early morning, leaving an invisible battlefield behind and a figure cloaked in the blackness on a hill overlooking them and grinning with satisfaction.


	6. Lonely, Lonely, That is Me

Sorry about not getting this chapter up off the ground sooner. I was working on reports all day yesterday for classes. I tried to post the chapter last night but the internet was not being very friendly. Next chapter will probably be put up tomorrow probably in the afternoon.

* * *

Water dripping echoed in the cave, a blast of cold air drowning out the small sounds briefly. The clomp of heels soon came to the creature's ears, he knew she had made a choice; found a match, and discovered a wormhole to their greater achievement. A silhouette in the navy blue mouth of the cave, caught his weary eye's attention and he lifted his head, licking his lips and waving his clawed hand at her. "Amelia." he beckoned in his husky voice. "You appear… contented."

The female crossed the rocky distance to her mentor, a languorous smile prowling into view like a hyenas. Soft black curls draped across her shoulders, framing a round paled face. With eyes like ice, the lids rimmed with black eyeliner and lashes a tainted peacock green, her face came into a shaft of white light, caused by a rippling of flame by the elder. Her movements flowed smoothly and luxuriously as she approached and stood beside the demon, cupping a hand down towards his chin. "Ihael, you're looking well." she purred, her ink black nails brushing against his stone grey façade.

He gazed into her eyes with mockery and scoffed, wiping her hand off of him as he would an insect. "You've observed them." he continued.

Eyes flickering away, Amelia turned her attention to the flame dancing at his side and passed her hand through it carelessly, letting the warmth run through her cold appendage. "They were quite resilient." she remarked dreamily. "Especially that witch."

Ihael flicked his tongue like a snake would and let an approving smirk glide to his lips. "So you think she is the Latent?"

Now it was Amelia's turn to sneer. "All I said was that she had…spirit." she decided, turning her head back towards him. "Her power's we could manipulate, but her mind is too much like a diamond. It would be too time consuming to try and crack."

"Willow has been turned by darkness before." Ihael commented flatly, as if she should have remembered. "Take one thing away and she becomes a monster. It wouldn't be _that_ difficult."

"Then she wouldn't be any fun." Amelia pouted, laying herself down to rest on a smooth platform of rock. "I could see her darkness. It had… gone bad. Like rotten fruit. There is nothing left to nurture."

"Then who?" Ihael snapped, causing the young woman to spin her head to him quickly. "The slayer has already come to terms with all that is meaningless and bereft in her life. Threatening her would be a waste of our time." he regarded to himself, growing impatient. He gasped, slumping down a little where he sat. "I grow weaker each moment that passes. The Awakening must be carried out before the new year has come to pass. Otherwise, all of our work is wasted. And I die."

She seemed disturbed by this thought, her eyes flickering with hatred of the situation. "The boy." she stated collectedly.

"He's useless to us." Ihael assured, flicking his hand carelessly. "He doesn't even possess a power." The demon stopped for a moment, as if some epiphany had just hit him and let his face pass into the dwindling light of the fire; the features were handsome but marred by age and weakness. "Did you recognize the Latent mark?"

"It is there." she confirmed, smirking lightly. "It is like a moth doing battle with his lightness. All we need to do is show him the flame."

"How much do you think we could develop?"

"His mind is fragile; unlike his colleagues. However, it is also resistant to charms. But the last few months without his love have tainted it. There is enough there to get it started." she assured. "I would take full charge of the operations myself. We need a Forthcoming. He is the most advanced of the group."

Ihael took a large breath, his thoughts swirling as he imagined the events that would come to pass. He could see them, like watercolors just out of his reach, bleeding on a white canvas. "Yes…" he whispered hoarsly, a bestial grin covering his face as he let a few malicious chuckles reverberate from his throat. "This could work out quite nicely."

Amelia was bemused by her own thoughts but shared a wicked cackle with her mentor, their voices chasing into the cold night.

* * *

"It's only a few stitches." Willow ensured her friend, who couldn't resist running his fingers along the sewn together injury. They had returned to Buffy's house finding that Xander's wound was not serious enough to keep him there any longer than necessary. She herself had woken in the car on the way over and although a little worse for wear was instantly her perky old self once again.

He didn't say anything; just sat in a chair, flipping through an old leather bound book. Xander hadn't been reading the contents, knowing that he was supposed to be searching for an explanation to the attacks and what exactly those creatures were. Unfortunately, his mind was elsewhere, and Willow could tell.

But instead of bothering him about it more, she turned her attention back to the computer screen in front of her and tapped away at the keys, continuing her search as well. She didn't know what she was supposed to look for. After Xander had relayed his thoughts about their lemur-like qualities, she had decided to start on that note. But the only things she could find were Lemurian Ghosts, and these monsters had certainly not been ghosts. But according to its Latin etymology, lemur meant ghosts or specters with nocturnal habitats. Maybe she hadn't been as far off as she'd first suspected.

Faith, who'd given up on the idea of research, was working slowly on a bottle of Miller's Light and rubbing at her knuckles absentmindedly. The fight had put her at odds with her slayer friend, even though she'd shown up to save them. Supposedly she had, "put their lives in danger" by running off earlier. She had just scoffed at Buffy and shook her head before settling into the sofa with her night cap. It was they who had needed her. She could just as easily have left them there to get slaughtered. She would have reminded Buffy about that, but chose not to, a small part of her not wanting to start a large confrontation.

Buffy had gone up to her room to change into some more comfortable clothes. Instead, she'd locked the door behind her and reached into her drawer to pull out the number for Gile's training facility in Surrey. She hadn't spoken with the Watcher since his departure after the events of the battle with The First. She'd heard from several of the Potentials whom had asked how they were fairing and wished that they could be home, but never had she spoken with Giles himself. Either he was in the middle of a training session with Andrew or he was out tracking down the assigned Watchers for the girls. Part of her wondered how they would break the ice when she finally could get a hold of him and worried whether or not he would talk to her. They had not parted on very good terms.

Punching in the numbers hesitantly, she listened to the agonizing rings of the phone. After three, it picked up and surprisingly, it was the Watcher himself. He knew it was her. "Buffy?"

"Giles." she said carefully, trying not to give away her discomfort in the situation. It didn't work. They both sat on the phone in an awkward silence for what seemed like hours. Finally, he spoke. "You rang?"

"Oh yeah." She shook herself out of her delirium. "Sorry."

"Quite alright."

She knew it wasn't. "We ran into some demons tonight. Demons that we can't find anything on. A vampire that we had been about to kill ran off, scared shitless. Whatever these things were, they killed it and then tried to do the same to us."

"Doesn't sound too unusual." Giles spoke softly. His voice sounded exhausted.

"They disappeared on us when Faith arrived. They kind of looked like… lemurs."

A pause. "You mean… those furry, big eyed, long limbed creatures one sees at the zoo?"

"Sort of… but not so... furry." Buffy agreed, hating how stupid she sounded.

He exhaled slowly. "Right." Another pause. "Well, I'll see what I can find in the books. Was anyone hurt?"

"Only Xander, but what else is new?" she responded, getting a small laugh from the Watcher. She missed that.

"Of course." Silence. "Well, I'll call you if I get wind of anything."

"Okay. Same here." she said automatically. "Bye."

"Bye." The phone went dead. She set the receiver down and looked up to gaze at herself in the mirror. The fight with the First had ruined everything. It had made Giles leave, it had weakened Willow's powers, shredded Faith and Robin's relationship, and cast Xander into a depression. For her, it had separated her from each of them. She stared deeply into the rings beneath her eyes. '_How do I ever make things right again…?_' she wondered to herself as she clicked off the light. Then she exited the room, the door squeaking shut behind her.


	7. Something Worthwhile Out of This Place

Hey, probably get chapter 7 up tomorrow night. Drawing on the end of the semester here! Soon, no more school! Whoohoo! Not seeing as many reviews as I was hoping, but I know y'all are reading it. Am I doing all right? Are there things I can improve on? Just let me know. Thanks again.

* * *

Buffy descended the stairs restlessly just as a knock struck against the front door. Stopping short, she paused wondering who could possibly want to visit them at one in the morning. Her curiosity didn't get too far. She knew. 

Opening the door, she found the tall lanky form of Robin Wood about to knock again. Composing himself, he stood straight, deep brown irises sweeping instantly through the crack towards his reason for being there.

"Wood." Buffy greeted, realizing his eyes were on Faith.

At the welcome, the brunette slayer turned her head, a sparkle of interest in her expression. When she had fully spun to look at him though, it only held dread.

Wood's eye brows perked at the unwelcoming stare from his ex and he turned his attention back to Buffy. "Hi. Do you mind?"

_Not exactly the most polite_, Buffy thought to herself, moving out of the way to let the former principle of Sunnydale High in. The commanding air he created with his presence snapped Willow and Xander out of their deep thoughts. The red head reacted with a shy joy, merely waving and smiling but nothing more. Xander nodded his head a little to show acknowledgement that he existed. Nothing further than that was given.

"Not exactly coming to borrow a cup of sugar, are you?" Faith cut in finally, her words like an icicle to the heart.

Wood stiffened, his eyes narrowing slightly. "Not exactly." he reciprocated, approaching her and eying the bottle in her hand.

She followed his gaze, and perked a rebellious eyebrow. "What?"

"Do you have time to talk or are you too wrapped up in that?" he remarked, setting his jaw.

Faith glared, but set the bottle aside on a table. "What's this about?"

"Outside." Wood urged, holding up his arm as a sort of guide to the door.

Releasing an aggravated growl, she shoved his arm out of the way and stepped out onto the deck, leaving Robin standing in the middle of the room, surrounded by the oblivious friends. Taking a deep breath to control his anger, he joined her on the front porch, leaving Buffy to close the door behind them.

Robin Wood, ever since his recent break up with Faith had been prone to insomnia. Not exactly sure where it had originated from, he had wandered the night for the first few weeks, slaying vampires and much to Faith's dislike, planning a way to reinstate himself as Principle of the new high school being built.

She, herself, though she had acted like the fight hadn't phased her, had gotten into the habit of drinking her pains away, usually alone, and usually somewhere else besides the Summer's home. In recent days, her frustration with the three Scoobies had begun to tire her and she had begun to carry it out even with them near. Without the Potentials around, how was she supposed to feel busy? How was she supposed to live her life? It seemed so… pointless now. And staying in Sunnydale if anything, proved stagnant to her. She was ready to move on, see the world. But her guilty obligation kept her put.

Buffy turned towards the den to join her friends, but found that Xander had left his comfortable chair, the book set on a side table. Willow glanced up at her, but said nothing as she let her eyes shift towards the kitchen. The slayer followed them and could see his blue shirt out of the corner of her eye, retreat through the back door. Steeling herself for the conversation that would follow, she pursued him, coming to a stop by the back door. Through the window, she could see him pacing, a deep thought obviously troubling him. She looked closer. Was he…. he was talking to himself. His lips moved every once in a while and he would shake his head and close his eye.

Twisting the knob, she slid through the opening and closed it behind her. In mid step, Xander turned his attention to her and let his head drop slightly. "Hey." he welcomed, reluctantly. He preferred his privacy nowadays, she knew.

She pursed her lips, guiding her sight towards the sky. "What cha doin'?"

"Oh, just…uh…thinking." he answered. That always seemed to be what he was doing. Sitting down on the bench, he rubbed his hands together, a chill racing up his spine.

Despite the lack of an invitation to join him, Buffy took a seat as well. "It's pretty cold out." she noted, eying that he didn't have a jacket on.

"Brisk." Xander answered instead. "It's good for me." He had stopped himself from shivering and smiled briefly. "House is a little stuffy."

"Especially now that Robin is here?" she made a leap in her thoughts. She'd always thought that Xander and Robin had got along. But something seemed… off between them lately. Maybe it was just her own paranoia. Then again, things weren't exactly peaches and cream with everybody.

He didn't answer and breathed deeply. "I'm alright out here. You look cold. You don't have to keep me company." he said suddenly, not looking at her.

Buffy's breath caught in her throat at the words. Was he telling her to buzz off? "I'm fine." she answered instead. She wasn't going to let him brush her off that easily.

He closed his eye and slackened his body. He'd been holding himself tense, she realized. He knew that he wasn't getting rid of her.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

The question was soft but sudden, causing him to snap out of his relaxed state. He smiled. "I told you. House was stuffy. I won't catch a cold. I'm a big strong guy, who takes his vitamins regularly."

_Always a joke_, she thought, touching a hand to her forehead. "Don't push me away. I'm only trying to help." she answered sternly.

His smirk faded. "I know." he acknowledged.

She locked eyes with him. She'd never before examined his eyes in such depth, the ribbons of green woven through brown and gold sand. "Why won't you let me?" A pained smirk rose on her chapped lips and she reached up to his face, moving a whisp of brown hair that had fallen in front of his patch.

His breath locked at the touch of her fingers on his face briefly and he let his eyelid close. It felt as if he hadn't touched his friend in years and it was so inviting and gentle. Oh, if only he could let her in, if only she understood what he was drowning in. She did understand kind of. But he felt she didn't know the true pangs of losing one's soul mate. After all, Angel had survived their first parting of ways. She'd gotten everything guy she'd ever lost back. Well, not everything.

His thoughts touched briefly on Spike. The platinum haired vampire had meant something to Buffy, it was true, and he had paid a price to save them all from The First. But Spike had been dead already. Where as his relationship with Buffy had seemed to be based more on lust, Xander's rekindled one with Anya was more romantic and filled with love for who they were as people. He winced as he thought of her name. Her silky golden curls, bright face, and stunning smile swept across his mind before he could keep them back.

Buffy watched as her friend's face recoiled in what seemed like displeasure at the touch and pulled away. "I'm sorry."

Peeling his eyes open from the images as sweet as honey, Xander realized that Buffy had misunderstood his pain. "No, no. I didn't mean…" he started. Reaching over, he slid her hand into his and guided it up to his cheek, relishing the feel of her smooth touch.

Buffy's breath deflated as she watched his lips tremble and could feel her own eyes begin to water at the sight.

"I miss this…" he whispered faintly, his voice breaking. "How do I go on with out this?"

Wanting to answer, she opened her mouth. But nothing came out. She couldn't think of what to say to that. She couldn't tell him to grow up and move on. She surely couldn't take Anya's place, nor could Willow. He needed physical comfort. And that was the only thing she couldn't give; besides a hug.

She moved forward to embrace him, voices rang out at the front of the house. "WELL THAT'S JUST FINE!" Faith's voice roared, causing Xander and Buffy to jerk back to their respective places.

Buffy blinked and glanced up at him. "I'd better tear them off each other." she said, causing a fragile smile to show on Xander's paled face.

"You go do that." he answered with a little enthusiasm, remaining seated.

Though she didn't want to leave him, she knew that Faith would tear Robin to pieces if she didn't. Sprinting around the house, she found the two ex-lover's screaming their heads off at each other, bodies tense. Faith's arms were posed to fight, her legs in a spring stance, ready to tackle him if he said another word. Wood gazed cooly down at her, arms crossed, virtually unthreatened by her show of muscle power. Willow had shown up and was standing between them, trying to put out the fire.

"Guys, guys… hold it, hold it." The red head continued to enforce, keeping them at arms length. "Get a grip on yourselves."

"Why don't you tell him to stop his yammering then and leave me alone?" Faith injected, tongue still venomous but not as biting as before. She was just sick and tired of it now.

"If you'd act your age, maybe I wouldn't feel so compelled to." Wood answered. "The way you roll, you endanger yourself every night, drawing trouble towards yourself." he tried to justify.

"You don't own me!" she spat, silencing them all. Xander had come out the front door behind Willow and they were all watching the arguing pair in a stupor.

Robin shuddered, her words causing a nerve to snap. Standing there with wide eyes, he finally wrenched himself away from Willow's grip and disappeared down the sidewalk, stalking quickly and laboriously.

"That's right! Run away!" Faith called after him, a wicked smile on her lips.

"Faith…" Buffy began uneasily, causing the other slayer to turn and regard her with narrowed pupils.

"And you know what, you don't either." the brunette answered in a clipped tone, heading down the sidewalk in a different direction.

Buffy shook her head. She'd had enough of Faith for one night. "Who's ready for bed besides me?"

After regarding one another for a couple of seconds, both Willow and Xander nodded.


	8. What Will Become Of What Never Was

I apologize profusely for the tardiness of this chapter. Computer problems, internet connection problems, MMR shots, snow bans, and parking tickets, Christmas parties, work, studying for finals, a sore throat, and of course, being all strange and not allowing me to upload ANYTHING, all contribute to why this chapter was not up sooner. The reason that Chapter 3 disappeared was that I was trying to change the title and when I thought I'd done this, the entire chapter was gone. But it's back up now with a new title. It's my fault for having promised a specific time for this chapter to be up and I'm sorry that I let you down. I hope this chapter meets your satisfaction. I don't know when the next one will be up but I hope I'll be able to get another one up tonight. No promises… I just hope.

* * *

His eye fluttered open, glimpsing the stippled white face of the ceiling, basked in a streak of moonlight. He rolled over taking in the red neon digits of his alarm clock.

3 am.

Same as last night. Same as the night before last night. Same as every night since her death. And maybe even before that, when he'd lost his eye. But he couldn't remember properly. Perhaps he hadn't really noticed until she was gone.

Pushing back the covers, he swung his legs around so that they were hanging off the bed, but instead of standing up, he remained sitting there, staring at the crack in the door, the moonlight casting his entire face into shadow.

Xander thought about nothing in those seconds, voiding his mind out beyond the boundaries of the small room. Then gradually, he began to remember. He could remember the apartment he had lived in when he and Anya had been together, before they had split up. He would get that homey, cozy feeling in his gut when he lay on the couch in the living room; could see all of the little knick-knacks and adornments that she had brought to create comfort in the empty shell he hadn't personalized at all before hand.

And now everything, everything of hers had been crammed into this tiny little room in the Summer's household, a guest bedroom that he had been living in since the First had begun terrorizing them. They hadn't trusted him to live on his own, not in the "state" that he was in. Having lost his job after having a complete mental breakdown, he couldn't support himself to pay the rent in his old apartment. Plus it just wasn't safe these days. Just because they had thwarted the First's plan, did not mean it wouldn't try again.

Having collapsed the entrance to the Hellmouth by blowing up the school had been an excellent plan by far. But when all of the rubble and debris was set to be cleared out by the new mayor of Sunnydale, their hope ran out. Soon when the land was suitable enough to begin rebuilding on, they would have to worry about another crazed demon trying to open it, much less the First itself.

Pushing himself up, he grabbed an empty Miller Light bottle from the nightstand and pushed the door open, stepping into the empty lightless hallway. Each door that lined the corridor was closed, save for Faith's, who still had not returned after her fight with Wood. Just thinking of the man made a tingle of uneasiness rise to Xander's shoulders.

The former principle had been on their side and nearly died after fighting the First. Robin had even saved his life from his demon date, Lissa, when she had tried to open the Hellmouth prematurely. But, after they had situated in the darker more bleak Sunnydale, things between Wood and his new found other, Faith, had drastically changed. And as much as he didn't like Faith for all that she had done years ago, he found himself agreeing with her a lot. Maybe it was because he was a tad more insane than he usually was.

Descending the stairs, he turned on the railing and headed towards the kitchen. Opening a cupboard, he began to rummage around for the only thing that could make him go back to sleep. Nothing else helped.

_Xander…_

He whipped around, the voice like a hoarse lilt in his ear. The eerie dimness of the hallway greeted him. Blinking, he passed a hand over his eyes and rubbed at the inside corners. "It's just your imagination." he realized out loud, shaking his head and turning back to his search.

The light flipped on suddenly overhead. This caused him to spin around and catch the dark-haired slayer, Faith, leaning in the doorway, regarding him with profound wonder.

Sighing heavily, he relaxed and turned back to the cabinet. "Yeah, the whole "sneaking around" thing is something your good at, but please don't practice it on me." he said tiredly.

Faith arched an eyebrow quickly. Then, her face was devoid of any emotion. "What are you doing?"

"Looking for my trusty melatonin." he answered shortly, not looking at her.

"You remind me of Robin." Faith remarked tiredly, sliding up onto the counter behind him. "Only he doesn't try anymore."

"You know what?" He pulled the bottle from a top shelf and unscrewed it, shaking two pills into his hand and then casually popping them into his mouth. "I don't care about him."

"That makes two of us." she agreed, smiling awkwardly.

"No it doesn't."

Faith's eyes bulged. "Hey--"

"Hey this, Faith." he stopped her short. "Yeah, Robin might be a legitimate asshole when ever you two get together, but it doesn't mean you wouldn't care if he suddenly got vamped or dropped off the face of the Earth." Xander stated tiredly.

Faith had a look in her eye that said she might contest the statement, but ultimately remained silent, biting her tongue and letting her eyes wander away. She glanced up after a couple of seconds to the screech of a stool as he sat down across from her. "How's the arm?"

"Well, it still feels like I was scratched by the kitten-from-hell but other than that, I'm good." he smirked, tilting his head to the side for a moment.

This caused her to smile. It was gone within a few seconds.

Xander shifted his feet around on the floor. The situation was… awkward. Having never really trusted or liked Faith after she had tried to strangle him, it was hard to try and be open to her now; even if he did kind of see her point in the Robin matter.

He stood up suddenly and dumped the rest of the water in the sink, sliding the glass to the back of the counter. "I'm gonna try and get some more shut eye." he announced, stepping around the countertop island to get to the door.

Faith jumped off of her counter just as he was passing, intending on heading up to her bed too. But she stumbled.

It only took a second for Xander to catch her and they were staring into each other deeply, deficient of any sort of awkwardness that situation had held before.

Xander smiled a little. "You should be more care--"

Her soft lips touched his, preventing him from finishing his sentence. The gesture was quick and unexpected but it was all that he had needed. Sweeping her towards the island countertop, he pinned her against it and pressed his lips hard on hers; aggressive, just how she enjoyed it. Her hands had lost their immobility and were snaking up and down his torso, feeling his abs and letting her fingers glide over his arms as they had done so many years ago.

His hands were preoccupied, one holding the back of her head, fingers tangled in her thick dark hair. The other was on her hip, sliding up underneath the shirt, caressing her seemingly perfect skin. He didn't care anymore as he knew she probably didn't either. He didn't care if they were that different or if they had disliked each other before. He needed this. There was only so much heartbreak a man could take, and she was in need of the same thing. It seemed…natural.

The clink of his belt loop caught in his ears as it was hurriedly slid off and dropped on the tiled floor, the clack shattering the silence. As he peeled off her leather jacket, he was well aware that there was no turning back from what was about to happen. His mind was already lost by the time that he had worked off her black lace tank top and they had both gone to the floor, mouths still locked.


	9. I'm Still Heading for the Ground

Thank you all for being so patient. It has been a crazy past few weeks getting back into the cycle of a full time job and Christmas and all of that. My posting of chapters is going to be pretty sporadic for a while because of my strange work schedule but I promise I will finish this story.

* * *

The darkness was like a sickening honey, churning in his stomach and sticky in his mind. All the while as he found himself on top of her, lips pressing hard on hers; he could tell that it was wrong. The better part of him knew that it was morally wrong to be doing this with Faith. But most of him, the part that had awakened in the dark that morning, and the part that had been awakened having looked into her eyes, didn't care. And her hands felt so warm and good on his skin, he wouldn't stop it if he had to. But he wasn't the one who had.

It only took him seconds to realize that the lights had been turned off in the kitchen at some point during the kissing and only seconds more to discover that there was someone else nearby, watching.

A sharp in take of breath from Faith caused her to jerk away from the deep kiss they were in and snap her head around towards the intruder. Xander was barely able to pull himself out of his daze as he too looked up.

In the silhouette of the door, back lighted by a silvery blue moon stood a lanky tall familiar figure with long smooth hair. Xander sucked in his breath. "Dawn."

Turning a little, the cerulean hue caught on the dainty features of the younger girl's face, a disturbance in her livid blue eyes as she tried to pretend as if she didn't see anything. "I… I just c-came home to surprise Buffy a-and…" she stammered, turning her head away quickly. "I… didn't mean to.. I just… I'm gonna…"

Meanwhile, Faith was laying beneath him in just a bra and jeans, regret drawn plainly across her own face. It was then that Xander realized the actual gravity of the situation. It couldn't be a one time clandestine affair or a single mistake that could be forgotten. Dawn had seen them and naturally, she would tell Buffy. There was nothing they could do to keep her.

"Dawny," he whispered, voice shaking as he closed his eye and carefully lifted himself off of Faith. "It's okay. Just give me a minute to get dressed and then we can--"

But the young woman had already turned and slowly departed from the scene into the living room, moving as if she were in shock.

Xander released a tight breath, and could almost feel none come after that. Hands groping across the floor, he found his white t-shirt and pulled it on as Faith scraped her tank top up from next to it.

Dressed again, and standing, they stared at each other, then down at their feet, and then back at each other.

"Well…I'm going to hit the sack." Faith whispered, smirking shortly and retiring from the scene, passing by Dawn, who had taken a seat in the living room, and up the stairs.

Sliding his blue button up shirt on, he wandered into the living room, his eye occasionally looking at Dawn. She was sitting on the couch with an expression of betrayal etched in to her face. As much as he seemed to hate himself for the idea of having sex with Faith, he was burdened more by the fact that he was caught while doing it. He glanced down at the floor. He hated himself more for that thought.

"Dawn, you need to understand something…" he began, slowly approaching.

"You think I'm too young to understand." she interrupted, eyes not looking at him. "I'm not. I'm in college. I understand perfectly."

Xander bit his tongue. Just as he remembered her, snippy and envious, but still innocent and sweet somehow. "Okay." came his quiet clipped response.

"Why Faith?"

The question felt like a slap to the cheek. "Because…"

"You needed it?" she spat, blue eyes suddenly sparkling with animosity. "Because she was convenient?"

He staggered back. "We _both_ needed it." he explained, catching the flicker of a light being turned on upstairs.

"Of course you did." she mockingly replied, turning away. "I thought you were supposed to see everything." she said more to herself than to him.

The soft thumping of footsteps caused him to turn around to catch Buffy halted in the middle of the staircase, staring at them with brows down in confusion. Her hair was tossed about on her head and there were purple circles under her eyes. She hadn't been asleep.

"Dawn?" she asked, catching the ireful expression on her younger sister's face. She then looked at Xander's rueful one. "What's going on?"

Dawn stood, her eyes giving away her hurt as she pushed around Xander. "Why don't you ask him? He seems to know." was all she said. She sidestepped Buffy and headed up the stairs, leaving the slayer and Xander in the quiet blue living room.

Buffy turned back around and surveyed her friends rather haggard appearance, his unbuttoned shirt and slowly it dawned on her as she caught the smears of lipstick on his face. "Xander, what's going on?"

He knew he was wrong. He knew he was at fault here. Somehow that didn't stop him from lashing out in frustration. "What?"

"Well, obviously Dawn is upset!" Buffy retaliated, making him cringe. "What happened?!" Dawn hadn't acted scared, just angry and she knew that Xander wouldn't have tried to violate her younger sister. But something wasn't adding up. She had a feeling she knew who else was involved.

"Dawn walked in on Faith and I." Xander explained strongly, crossing his arms.

"Faith?" Buffy said as if she'd swallowed something she didn't like the taste of.

"Yeah, Buff."

"Why?"

"Why does everyone keep asking that question?" he growled, finally losing his cool. "Why can't it be okay for me to kiss Faith? Oh sure, you could get away with dating and doing the nasty to Angel and Spike and every one of us would be just fine with it. But when its my turn, oh no! You all have to think that there is something wrong with me!" He could feel the emotions and feelings of inferiority being betrayed as they swam across his tongue and out of this mouth and he knew that they were things he shouldn't have been saying. But it felt so good just to get them off of his chest, somehow it was easier to breathe.

Buffy felt the air in her lungs suddenly vanish as Spike was brought into the conversation. She could understand Xander bringing up Angel, but the sheer audacity for him to mention Spike had crossed the line in her. Though she had known that Spike and Xander were always at odds with each other and very rarely had got along, she hadn't expected her friend to bring up a subject so tender to her at that time. It would have been like her saying derogatory about Anya to him. The anger in his voice made her realize that these were things he had been feeling for a long time. All the same, the pain wrenched in her at the renewed topic of her now vacant lover.

"--and you all just tip toe around me like you have to be careful of breaking me! You don't have to! I'm not made of…" Sense finally ran into his eye and when he looked at Buffy, he could see a hollowness in her eyes, similar to one he'd seen after her mother had died. His voice grew soft and slowed to a stop. "…glass."

Silence cascaded on them like a tidal wave, swallowing them both and ultimately drowning Xander. As tears surfaced in her eyes, he found himself utterly speechless and thoughtless. Why had he said that? Why hadn't he stopped himself from saying such monstrous things? Probably because it had felt so good at the time… and he felt as if he had needed to be selfish. He hadn't meant to go that far…

Blinking, he let his mouth hang open, his body noticeably shaking at the mistake. "Buff, I--"

"I'm tired." she cut him off, speaking almost as if she were in a trance. "I'm going to go to bed."

Xander couldn't keep a hitch from catching in his breath and wanted so desperately to tell her to wait. But he'd fowled up this time. And she didn't want to talk to him anymore about it. As she turned around and headed up the staircase as well, he was turning in his own direction; for the door.

Stepping out on to the front porch of the Summer's home and closing that door behind him, he could understand exactly how Buffy might have felt as she was subsequently replaced by Faith in their fight against The First. Could he ever go back there again, knowing how he had hurt Buffy and Dawn by being so self-centered? He couldn't now.

Trudging down the walk to the street, he could feel energy spring into his legs from an unknown source and before he knew it, he was sprinting down the sidewalk away from 1630 Revello Drive. Soon he had exited Revello Drive altogether and was running down one of the main roads of Sunnydale, panting hard but not giving in to his tire.

Pain swelled up and down in his legs unimaginably, his chest prickled like tiny needles were imbedding themselves in him, his fingers tingled and grew numb. The temperature was down in the twenties and all he had was a button up shirt for warmth. But he deserved to be embraced by the cold. After all it was what he had asked for. By betraying his friends and betraying his own morals, by giving into temptation. He slowed to a halt next to an alleyway by The Bronze, the music still thumping loudly behind the brick edifice.

God, what would Anya have thought of his behavior? What would she have said if she'd known he'd done that? Sinking down to the ground, exhaustion took him over, leeching at every muscle and in each pain filled breath. The sobs reached him shortly after. How pathetic, he realized. Laying in a cold wet alley, looking like a mess and crying at his own worthlessness. Things were really at their lowest. How much worse could it get? Xander snorted at himself. Better not think that. Then something awful might happen.

The tinkle of glass brought him out of his anguished delerium.

Too late.

"They call you "The One who Sees Everything." a lady's voice called from the darkness in front of him.

Raising his head towards it, he could only see a shroud of blackness. He scrambled to his feet, instinctively reaching for the stake he kept in his belt. But it wasn't there.

"Listen, as much as I enjoy these little meetings, the Scoobies have already had a fight with some strange cronies tonight. Why don't you go on home and wait until tomorrow." he answered defensively.

There was no answer. He squinted his eyes to look past the blackness but could not see anything in it.

Nodding, he smiled. "Didn't expect them to actually listen to me."

A hoarse breath in his ear caused him to turn sharply. Nothing.

"On the contrary," the voice spoke again this time behind him.

Whipping around once again, he caught sight of an ice blue eye as a pointed metal object pierced the skin on his bicep. Jerking reflexively, he raised his voice to protest, but unconsciousness wrapped around him, blinding him completely and pulling him into silence.

The female grinned, watching Xander's eye slide shut. "It is tomorrow." she cackled, the haunting laugh rippling into the rain soaked night.


	10. Always In My Head

Death smelled funny. That's all that Xander could think as he let his eye lids blink open slowly. He was pretty sure he'd died; not one hundred percent but maybe close to eighty. Then again, dead people didn't open their eyes. So maybe he wasn't fully dead. Maybe he was just… half dead. Yeah, that sounded good. 

Ridiculous as the thoughts were to him, he was comforted by the inner workings of his mind coming up with reasons for why he was feeling the way he was and possibly why he was where he was.

His vision proved to be dark and blurry. Clarity came slowly like water being rubbed out of his eyes. But everything stayed dark despite the sharpness. 

His brows furrowed suddenly. If he was half dead, then where exactly was he? Xander had to admit, he'd imagined plenty of times what hell might be like and found it quite possible that he could be there, even after his selfish behavior. 

He gasped. Memories of the previous night swarmed into his head, his and Faith's interlude, the argument with Dawn, and his guiltless rage towards Buffy. But after that, everything proved to be a blur. What had happened?

"He's still a little groggy." a voice whispered, hazing through his brain.

Xander held back the sudden urge to vomit. Everything was spinning, faster and faster. He couldn't get his bearings and found that everytime he breathed he just got dizzier and dizzier. Was it possible to feel worse after he felt like he was feeling better? He couldn't have been sure. He wasn't sure he cared, he just wanted things to be normal again. "Stop… spinning…" he murmured, closing his eyes again and taking a sharp breath.

"Now's probably the best time then. Make the incisions quick, I don't want him waking up in the middle of it. When human's scream, it makes it hard to get any sleep." another voice, deeper than the first replied.

Xander's head rolled to the side. The blurred silver of a side table wavered before him. 

"Of course." He could tell a little bit more about the voice this time. It sounded… like a woman.

Next a strange sensation on his head. His stomach lurched. Not _on _his head. _In_ his head. Something… sharp being dragged through the flesh of his scalp. His lips trembled and breathing quickened. A face, more like a Picasso painting, appeared over him as he was lost in the dregs of sleep once more.

* * *

"He's not down at the Bronze." Willow called to Buffy as she opened the front door, hooking her jacket on a hanger. She stopped and quickly put it back on. She wouldn't let Xander ruin himself; she wouldn't stand back and watch as his life circled the drain of misery. She had to start doing something, instead of doing… well… nothing.

Buffy appeared from the kitchen, face drained of energy. "He's not at Anya's…" she stopped short, unable to finish her sentence. " He's not at the cemetery. That's the only place he would be." she spoke her thoughts aloud, catching a held breath from her friend. She reached out a hand and rubbed Willow's shoulder. "Don't worry. He couldn't have gone far."

Her own words did not comfort her own riled nerves however. She couldn't help but replay the awful conversation that had gone over the previous night. She couldn't downplay how betrayed she'd felt as he'd said those things about Spike… let alone brought him up. She'd never felt so vulnerable. And normally, she knew she'd have had a comeback for anything aimed at her deceased lover. But she hadn't expected it from him; not from Xander. A part of her wanted to think that he'd found a hole in a hotel somewhere and was contented just to stay away for a couple of days; just to get his head together.

Something about this, however, was not right. She'd heard him leave right after she'd gone upstairs. He hadn't come back to pack anything. Nothing of his had been touched since he'd left. He would have come back. As much as she knew how Xander hated for things to be his fault, she knew he wouldn't hold a grudge this long and it wouldn't take him this long to apologize either. Something _had _to be wrong.

Faith, closed-lipped about what she and Xander had done the night before, had gone down to the library to see if she could locate him there. The two had barely spoken that morning, let alone said "good morning." She could tell that the brunette slayer was feeling remorse for her impetuous actions. At the same time, she knew that Faith deeply cared for Xander, enough to feel worried for his safety. She'd volunteered to look there without being told.

Dawn had gone to check the high school. The rage and bitter contempt her younger sister had felt last night had softened quickly at the news of his disappearance. Now every time she caught a look with Dawn, she could sense that she was sorry for her temperament the night before. Buffy knew that Dawn didn't have too much of a reason to be that angry unless… and God forbid her for thinking this… that she actually liked Xander in… that way. Dawn no matter how grown up she was, still had a streak of jealousy within her that flared a little too often for comfort. And she wouldn't have found Xander's behavior bad in the same way that Buffy and Willow knew it to be. She probably believed that it must have seemed like some kind of an obligation to have sex with Faith; after all that was what she seemed to do best. Dawn had never really liked Faith, even after her return. This made it more difficult. 

"Buffy?" Willow spoke softly, kicking her out of her thoughts.

"Sorry." she shook her head. "Is there anyone else we could ask?"

One side of Willow's mouth perked up in thought. "Wood might know."

'Doubt that.' Buffy contemplated. "It's worth a shot." she answered instead. "Is there any kind of a location spell you could do?"

Willow took a deep breath. It was a lot to ask, seeing as how magic was not that easy for her to use these days. A locater spell required less energy but more time. On top of it, she would need supplies, and that meant going to the magic shop. She wasn't sure whether or not she was ready for that. After Anya's death, it was Kennedy whom had taken ownership of the store. Things between them had been going very well. That was, until she caught Kennedy in an affair. 

She hadn't expected it. It had hurt more than she would have liked. But she shouldn't have put it past the younger slayer to be capable of it. Kennedy was headstrong and unafraid to be blunt about what she wanted. She was hardly shy. At first, that was what Willow thought had made her attractive. 'Opposites… there supposed to attract right?' she'd frequently asked Buffy afterwards. They hadn't spoken in two weeks. This was mostly because Willow had been holding vigil against the idea of forgiving Kennedy, even if she missed her. 

Buffy sighed and said, "I could go if you want."

"No." Willow responded meekly, a little courage branching into her voice afterwards. "I'll go. You should go talk to Robin."

The slayer sighed. "Okay." She grabbed her jean jacket from the rack and squeaked open the door. "I'll see you in an hour?"

"Sure."

The door closed with a sharp click.

Willow waited until Buffy's car had disappeared down the street before she too headed out.

* * *

I'm very sorry that this chapter is so late. I know that excuses are not worth anything here and so I can only hope that none of my readers want to kill me. I've been hard at work on a book with a similar atmosphere to this. As result, a lot of my inspiration and ideas have been used up on the other project. I know where I'm going with this story though and will hope to have it finished eventually. Again, I'm not going to promise timely updates. Everything is kind of chaotic at the moment. I also realized I made a slight continuity error in this story because Buffy doesn't have her driver's license nor does she know how to drive. So, I'll just say during the last three months since the end of _Chosen_, she took a test to have a driver's permit and has been sort of abusing it by driving on her own.


	11. Same Old Madness Everyday

Had some inspiration, wrote chapter 10 an hour ago. For any further updates on this story, check out my profile page, I'll update that every time I update a story. Enjoy.

* * *

Willow parked the car around the corner and walked toward the Magic Shop. Every step she took, her defenses shuddered. 'What am I supposed to say? Should I say anything at all?' She knew the affair would come up one way or another. All she needed to do was dance around it for a little while, enough time to collect the supplies she needed and then be on her way.

She pushed the door in, hearing the familiar tinkle of the bell. A little piece of her expected to hear Anya's perky voice exclaim "Hello! You must be here to spend money on things!"

It all faded in her memory when she turned and saw Kennedy instead, standing on the other side of the desk.

* * *

Robin lived in a studio apartment on the other side of town. He and Faith had lived there initially. Then the fighting began and Faith had found herself back at Revillo Drive, a backpack slung over her shoulder.

Buffy felt strange coming here now, especially when Faith didn't know she was going there.

She knocked on the apartment door and heard a slight rustling of paper inside. A few moments later, the door opened, and Robin's ultra-stern face was there, his mouth slightly turned down. "Buffy."

"Hi."

"Hope you're not here to lecture me about last night…"

She took a moment. Had that really been last night? It seemed like it had been longer than that. Everything about the evening was left in the dust after discovering that Xander had disappeared. "No. That's not it at all."

"Alright." He didn't move.

Wasn't he going to invite her in? It felt strange just lingering outside in the hall, especially when it was something as sensitive as this.

He seemed to have noticed. "Come on in."

She stepped passed him and he shut the door.

The apartment has wooden paneling on the walls, varnished oak tables and chairs. It seemed homey, like a log cabin. But she couldn't relax there. It hadn't occurred to her until that moment that she was about to tell Robin his on and off again girlfriend had been caught in the act with Xander. She wasn't looking forward to his reaction.

"So what is this about?" He leaned against the wall.

She sat on his sofa and stared at her hands. "Xander is missing."

Robin's wary expression vanished. "How long has he been gone?"

"Since last night."

"Did he say anything before he left? Was there any reason?"

Buffy held her breath. "Something happened."

He nodded. "And… the details are?"

'Out with it, Buffy.' she told herself. She took a deep breath. "Dawn walked in on Xander and Faith."

It didn't hit him right away. Instead it crept onto his face like a sinuous parasite. He inhaled to the point where she wondered if he would ever stopped and then released it very slowly, very carefully.

"I know. I was shocked too."

"Actually, I'm not." he whispered.

She did a double-take. "What? Why?"

"Faith and I are over, Buffy." He looked at her straight in the eyes. "You've known Faith for long enough that you can recognize she has a longing for something that only you and your friends have the power to give her."

Only something she could give Faith? Something that Xander and Willow could give them?

"Forgiveness."

* * *

"Kennedy." Willow said, trying to remain objective. It was hard. Her Kennedy, her sweet, brave warrior Kennedy was standing there like someone had just sprayed her with a water gun, unmoving, and a little hurt. This caused some of Willow's resolve to return. 'Hurt? Why should she be hurt? She was cheating on me. I don't need to show her any--'

"What do you need, Willow?" Kennedy interrupted her train of thought, turning back around and attending to items on the shelves.

Willow felt her insides shrink. 'Is she ignoring me? What did I do to make her not like me anymore?' "I need supplies."

"I figured that." was Kennedy's biting response.

"Hey, don't take that tone with me, missy."

Kennedy turned back around. Her expression was hardly joking. "What do you want?"

Willow took another deep breath. She was making the other slayer mad, but somehow felt that she deserved it. Why did Kennedy act like she'd been the one who'd been wronged here? "Ingredients for a location spell. Xander's gone."

"Gone?" Some form of worry had worked its way into her voice. "What do you mean 'gone'?"

"He left last night. He and Buffy had a fight and… now he's gone."

Lips pulled tight, Kennedy stepped out from behind the desk and began gathering items.

* * *

Buffy knew she should have been understanding. But she couldn't be. "So the only way she can get forgiveness is to jump in the sack with my best friend? A friend grieving for his loved one?"

Robin shook his head. "Her methods are different than what you or I think is normal."

"I'll say."

"But she wants forgiveness in order for her to be allowed acceptance. That's what its all about."

"Wh- what are we, back in high school?" she stammered, standing up. "Didn't she ever think about the damage that she might be doing to him or to me by doing what she did?"

"You shouldn't be asking me." Robin said, walking toward the kitchen. "This is why she and I aren't together anymore. I'm not you. And she wants acceptance from you."

Buffy paced, trying to get a grasp on what this meant. Faith had been living with them for nearly a month now and most of the time, they'd remained civil to one another. Didn't that count as being accepted? Did she really have to vocally apologize for everything to be alright between them?

"There's allot of… history between us."

Robin put a kettle on the stove and turned on the burner. "Are you willing to drop it in order to move on?"

'Drop it.' she thought. 'Drop the past where she tried to kill me, tried to kill my friends and Angel…'

"I need help finding Xander." she changed the topic. "We've searched everywhere for him."

"Maybe he needed to get out of town for a few days. Don't you think you should allow him time to discover his mistake?"

Buffy knew that it was a possibility. Maybe Xander had finally gotten fed up with everyone "tiptoeing around him" like he'd said. Maybe he'd just left to get a break from them. Something in her caved. A break from them? He wouldn't need that unless they'd really been giving him a hard time.

"Watch. He'll come back in a couple of days."

Buffy shook her head. "I don't think so."

* * *

Willow counted the ingredients as Kennedy finished assembling them on the counter. "Okay. That looks like everything."

Kennedy nodded. "Isn't this spell dangerous?"

Willow wanted to laugh. 'Ha, now she's worried about me?' She scoffed. "A simple locater spell? Heck no."

Kennedy began ringing up the items, one eyebrow cocked. "What was Xander's argument with Buffy about?"

Willow opened her mouth but her voice dried. Was she supposed to be telling anyone? It was kind of personal. "I can't talk about it."

Kennedy shook her head. "How long is it going to take, Will?"

"Not very long. I've done the spell zillions of times…"

"Not that. I'm talking about us. How long is it going to take for you to forgive me?"

Willow took a step back, her eyes widening. "Forgive you? I'd say that's a bit of an optimistic leap, don't you?"

"She didn't mean anything to me, Will. I was just…"

"…Just what? Trying out the sport of tongue wrestling?" The words instantly made her feel sick.

"…wondering what it was like to kiss a different woman than you."

Even as Willow dug into her wallet and ripped out the money, she felt her cheeks flush. "That's not a good sign."

"I want you. I wanted to be with you."

"No you don't and… didn't." Willow grabbed her bag of ingredients and turned toward the door. "If you had, kissing anyone else wouldn't have even come into your head."

"What did you expect me to do, Willow? Fall under some sort of magic spell and forget about everything but you?"

The words struck Willow straight to her heart. Water pooled in her eyes and she took frantic gasps through her mouth. "How dare you…"

Kennedy took a step back.

Without another word, Willow climbed the steps and pushed out the door, the bell ringing loudly behind her.

* * *

Buffy stood, and took a step toward Robin. "Willow is going to perform a locator spell. If he's just taking time off, then we'll leave him alone. But something about this doesn't seem right to me."

Robin shook his head. "I'm not going to do anything until you know for sure. I can't follow your gut instincts."

"Some spooky monsters showed up last night at the cemetery, creatures we've never seen before. I think there's another big bad in town."

"You think? Think isn't enough. Before you go and do this, you need to think to yourself about what he needs. You've played the friends and family card on him for the last three months. Now let him choose what he wants."

The idea was sobering. The thought that Xander might not want to return to Sunnydale and to the Summer's home, made her feel nauseous. They'd been with him, trying to do everything they possibly could to return him to a normal routine. Buffy had given her everything to try and piece him back together. And for what? For it to end this way?

"No." she said, and turned.

"Buffy…"

She pushed out the door and slammed it behind her.

'I will not let Xander do this.'


	12. The Void That Cries Through You

ONE MONTH LATER

"Buffy! Come on!"

Though she heard Willow calling her name from outside, she remained where she was curled up on her bed, staring at the wall.

She hated this. She hated feeling like everything inside her was about to shrivel up and die at any moment. There were times when she had felt useless, times where she felt people had kicked her down and she couldn't possibly get back up. But this seemed to top them all.

She heard footsteps in the doorway and knew instinctively that it was Faith. "Hey B, come on. Let's get this party started."

"I know. I know." she whispered. "Just give me a few minutes."

"They're going to get away." Faith kept on, taking a few more steps in. "This is our chance to catch them."

Buffy nodded. A gang of demons much like the ones they'd encountered that fateful night in the graveyard a month ago had busted into town a week ago. They'd been using one of the mausoleums in the cemetery in order to carry out their plans, however nefarious they were.

"We need to go." the brunette slayer repeated.

"I'll meet you downstairs." The bite in Buffy's voice said she needed a moment.

She heard a scoff. "Fine." The footfalls receded.

Buffy grabbed her jean jacket from the chair in the corner. Her eyes inadvertently were drawn to the picture on the dresser beside it, a picture that had remained in her heart for many years. The simpering faces of herself, Willow, and Xander, all laying in the sun and reveling in the joy of being friends with no qualms.

She swallowed hard and pushed the photo back into shadow. Not anymore. Xander had left. And he'd been intent on not being found. For all she knew, he had washed his hands of them, of their friendship, and of Sunnydale. Buffy hadn't given up. She hadn't rested, even when Faith had stopped looking, Willow had admitted the possibility that he was better off where he was, and when Dawn had stopped her crying. This was wrong. He was supposed to be there.

"B!"

"Yeah!" she called back and grabbed her stake from the chair.

* * *

The Bronze was alive, the beat literally rocking the cement walls as they all entered, Faith in the lead, her gaze vigilant as ever. Willow followed behind her, a knife tucked into her coat pocket and an armada of spells ready to be uttered. Buffy followed up the rear, keeping an eye on her two colleagues.

The band on stage was leaping around like a group of monkeys, their hands slamming across the guitar strings as they screamed into the microphones. The musical talent had digressed from the pleasing ballads she'd been used to while visiting the club in the old days into harsh yelling sessions. A part of her missed hearing Oz's band on stage. It was beautiful compared to the crap up there now.

She returned her sights to the people around her. It was mostly college students, a handful of highschoolers here and there, and then the average out of towner, a few who were bound to be vampires. But no sign of their demon targets.

"I'm going to check up top." Faith announced, moving toward the stairs.

Willow took a step back to walk with Buffy and as they moved along, Buffy detected a hesitance in the witch. "Will, I know you've got something to say. What is it?"

"Don't you think that we should have told someone else about our plan? Maybe Robin or…"

Buffy knew who she was going to mention. Problem was that Robin and her had fallen out of contact since her plea for him to help her find Xander. Not even Faith had been having her usual arguments with him.

And Kennedy. Well, she had a business to run. While she continued to do her nightly patrols on the opposite side of town, she wanted nothing to do with their troupe as long as Willow was still mad at her. Judging by what was said at their last meeting, Buffy doubted Willow would forgive her anytime soon. She was going to let this argument fester, even if she normally didn't like to.

"It's just us. You're going to need to get used to this."

She nodded.

As she went to take her position near the back door, Buffy wondered to herself why Willow had given up so easily on Xander. He had fought and nearly died for the redhead when she'd gone evil almost two years ago. They had been friends for longer than anyone in the entire group. How could she just assume that he was done with them? That he had wanted to leave and for this amount of time?

Buffy walked toward the bar and felt the stake tilt back and forth in her jacket pocket. She wanted to dust something tonight. She'd spent all of her energy trying to track down Xander for the past four weeks and was tired. She wanted to get back to the nitty-gritty of killing evil, of feeling like she had a useful purpose.

Every contact she had and every single magic spell that Willow could think of had been used in vain. When they'd followed the first locator spell to a cave just outside of Sunnydale, she had thought they had found him, even if it was a strange location. But he hadn't been there. There had been no sign of him at all.

"Hey there."

She turned.

A guy was standing there. College frat guy, brain pea sized compared to his muscles. And something about him screamed "vamp". Maybe it was his clothing still sprinkled with soil or maybe the fact that he smelled unbearable. But she wasn't here to deal with vampires. She wanted demon blood.

"Not tonight, toothy, I've got other things to do."

He did a double take. "Aww… shit. You're the slayer, aren't you?"

She smiled. "And you're just a walking corpsy-worpsy, aren't you? I'm giving you one last chance."

He backed away.

"Oh and don't even think about biting anyone. I haven't met my weekly quota of vamp dusting."

He vanished into the crowd.

She noticed Faith come down from the stairs and head towards her through the crowd. She checked for Willow, seeing her still guarding the back entrance and sipping on a soda, her eyes moving conspicuously from side to side. Buffy sighed. No matter how indiscreet she tried to make herself, Willow still looked like she was searching for someone.

"I don't see them." Faith said when she was close enough.

"Neither do I."

She gritted her teeth. "Damn! I guess that means we might just have to take a load off and do some partying."

Buffy shook her head. "No. They'll be here. We need to stay down."

She nodded. "Fine. I'll get down over here to the music. You can sit down here and watch."

"Faith, this is important. If they see that one of us is here, they'll run."

"Aww, B, I thought you liked the chase."

Buffy shook her head.

The door opened on their left. Buffy ducked behind a pillar and Faith quickly turned her face away. A troupe of people came through, all dressed rather strangely compared to the crowd around them. No short skirts or low tanks, no jeans or leather. Weird esoteric tunics of some sort. As they went by, Buffy noticed that the head of the group was cloaked in a hood. She couldn't see the face.

Nodding to Will, Buffy moved around to the other side of the wall and began snaking through the crowd on her way to the redhead. Edging her way around the jostling arms and swaying hips, Buffy was nearly to the back exit when something came over her.

The sensation was unmistakable. She felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. A chill crept over her arms. Someone was watching her.

Instinct made her turn toward the catwalk above. Indeed, someone was standing there, his form wrapped in shadows just beyond her sight. _Angel…_ her thoughts ventured. She shut them down and turned back toward Willow. She couldn't draw attention to him. If he was there to help them, she had to first let the others know, then they could formulate a plan.

"Buffy," Willow said as she finally got to her, "I saw the leader."

"Could you tell what kind of demon it was?"

She shook her head. "I don't think it was."

"What do you mean? Is it a vampire?"

"Uh uh." Willow shook her head and pulled Buffy behind a group of people all laughing at something. "It was a woman. She looked human."

Buffy frowned. "Just because she looked human doesn't mean she is." It frightened Buffy all the more though. Was this their big bad? And if so, why had she come here with the demons who were obviously doing a terrible job at blending in?

Metal screeched up above them. Buffy looked up. Angel was gone.

Where had he moved to? Maybe he was going to block one of the exits?

"What are we going to do?"

Buffy turned back to Willow. "Don't worry. Angel's here."

"Angel? Really?"

"I just saw him. He'll help us cover the exits."

As she relayed the plan, Buffy watched as the group of demons walked backstage. She motioned to Faith who quickly joined them. "What do you think? Stealth or guns a-blazing?"

"I'm all for a good fight but you know me." Faith said

"We can't exactly get the drop on them." Willow checked over her shoulder. "There's no other way to get back there."

"Well, then." Buffy nodded. "Guns a-blazing then. Make sure you have a clear shot to the exit at all times."

Buffy felt someone suddenly behind her. "Hey, um… Slayer…"

She turned around. Toothy was back.

Buffy's hand went instinctively for her stake. "Aren't you polite?"

Toothy staggered back. "Wait, wait. I don't want to start a fight."

Willow gasped. "Says the big bad vampire tapping on the Slayer's shoulder."

"This is for you."

Buffy released the stake in her pocket and grabbed what was in the vampire's hand. Everything inside of her felt liquefied as she rubbed her thumb across the soft black eye patch.

Anger rolled through her. She seized the vampire shoving him against the metal stairs. A few people backed away.

"Where did you get this?"

Toothy stuttered. "That guy… across the room. He told me to give it to you."

Buffy turned to the door. Someone was pushing out it, their back to her. She squinted. It wasn't tall enough to be Angel, nor did he have Angel's broad shoulders. He was skinny.

Pushing Toothy out of the way, Buffy made a b-line for the door and the departing figure.

"Hey! Buffy!" Willow called.

"B!" Faith yelled. "Damn it."

Buffy didn't care. She had to know. This guy, if he had Xander's eye patch, it had to have been him… unless something had happened to him. Fear began filling her inside.

She pulled the door open to the silent night in the alley. Cars revved their engines down the street far off. She heard glass break on her left.

Whipping to it, she noticed the man starting down an alley.

"Wait!" She ran. "Xander, wait!"

He vanished around a corner.

Why would Xander reappear now? Where had he been all this time? And conversely, if it wasn't Xander, why did this guy have his eye patch?

As she approached the corner, Buffy slithered the stake out of her pocket. She had to be sure. She couldn't make a mistake.

She rounded the bed.

He was standing next to a dumpster, his back still to her. An exit sign coated the bleak alleyway in red.

She took small steps toward him. Her hands were shaking hard. Any moment, she feared she'd drop the stake, she'd lose her nerve and begin screaming. But determination kept her going. If it wasn't him, this was their only lead to finding him.

"Xand? Is that you?"

The silence was broken by a sound she didn't expect. Chuckling.

It wasn't humorous. It wasn't funny in any way. It was sarcastic. It sounded torn and broken. It sounded evil. And everything about it told her it was Xander's laugh.

"Xander? Where have you been? Do you have any idea how long--"

He turned around.

All of the air in Buffy's mouth escaped. Her stomach did backflips, front flips, kick flips, and somersaults as she felt a hot bile travel up her throat.

That sweet face she'd once known, and loved everything about was gone. Only a shadow of it remained. Stitches dropped in a line down his forehead, taking a diagonal path across his face, just under the left eye and finally down across his mouth. The smaller of the two halves was Xander's face, though the skin was bruised and chalk white. The other side of his face was lacerated to the point where barely any skin was still showing. Blood soaked his clothing.

Buffy doubled over, barely keeping her grip on the stake. "Oh God, Xander…"

He snickered. "What's the matter, Buff? Not happy to see me?"


	13. After Every Hit We Take

Buffy made herself stagger forward. She couldn't say anything. Her throat was tight and every word that she thought of that seemed right, felt wrong a second later.

"Your reaction was a tad more dramatic than what I'd imagined." Xander finally said.

Normally she would have smiled if the situation had been less serious. But not this. He looked like he'd barely survived a car wreck; survived and yet shouldn't have been walking with the injuries he had. And his tone had been hardly joking. That same malevolence still lingered beneath it.

In spite of it, she swallowed and made herself take another step. "Xander, come on. I'm going to take you home."

Despite the number of wounds on his face, she could tell if he was frowning. And that's just what he was doing now. "Hold the phone. Did my ears just hear you say 'home'?" He laughed again. This time it took everything Buffy had not to gasp. "What gives you the right to tell me where my 'home' is?"

'No. This can't be happening. This can't be happening to him.' Buffy continued forward. "Please. I'm sorry about what happened. I'm sorry I cornered you when you needed space, Xand. But this isn't the way to go. Not you."

"Not me? You didn't think it was possible for your Xander-shaped friend to achieve this level of horror, did you?" Xander took a step toward her. "You thought that just as long as you kept abusing the friendship you had with the sorry sap, you could go on living just the way you wanted…"

Buffy's chest hurt. She shook her head. "That isn't right at all! I'd never--"

"Oh I know. You'd never take advantage of anyone, would you?" He leaned forward a little. "I don't believe that. And you don't either."

Every bit of resolve that Buffy had gathered was waning from her. She couldn't keep this up with him. What was frightening her more, was with each passing second, she felt the darkness grow thicker around him. He was tainted, as dark as Willow had been after Tara's death, perhaps even darker. It was going to take more than talk to break through to him.

"Anya wouldn't approve of this. She wouldn't want you losing herself because of her."

Xander cocked his head to the side. "You really think that'll do the trick, Buff? Playing on my heartstrings? You could manipulate that old banjo anytime you wanted. Well, guess what? Old banjo's got some new strings."

The play on words made her sick. It's something that the Xander she knew would have said, and as corny as it sounded, it made her hurt all the more inside.

"You killed him, you know?" Xander whispered, moving closer.

Buffy stepped back.

"He cried allot. Begged allot."

"Stop this."

"He called out your name every night, thinking you'd save him." He shook his head. "He should have known better. Nothing is more exacting than a Slayer's vengeance."

She clenched her teeth. "I tried to find you. I put everything I had into finding you!"

That tight smile was back again. "And what do you know? It was worth nothing."

Behind her, Buffy heard footsteps clomp along the pavement. She couldn't turn and look at her two friends but knew that they had slowed to a stop.

"Xander?" Willow's voice was on the edge of tears. Her breathing was hard and strained.

Faith was unusually silent.

"Aww… you guys," Xander said in mock appreciation, "you didn't all have to show up for me."

"Xander, are you okay?" Willow asked.

"Gee, Will, what do you think the obvious answer to that question is?"

Buffy turned to her. "It's not him. Don't listen to him."

"Oh it's me. And it's not. Anyway you slice it, old Xander is gone. And I'm here; more or less to spice things up."

Faith grabbed her stake out of her pocket. "You going keep yapping or am I going to need to make you shut up?"

"Oooh, somebody's feisty tonight. Think you've got as much energy as that night in the kitchen? I know old Xand liked that."

Faith seemed unperturbed by the comment. "And plenty more where that came from."

Buffy grabbed Faith's arm. "No. That's enough."

Xander pretended to wipe his eyes. "Oh that's too bad. I was just hoping one of you would have the guts to take a stab at old Xand. I expected too much."

The rage was steadily working its way through Buffy's system. This darkness had a hold on him. She couldn't fight him, especially when she felt so vulnerable. 'This is all my fault…'

"You're right. It is." he said.

'He can read my thoughts.' She slowly rose her eyes to him. "Xander, please…"

"No matter how many times you say the magic word, it's not going to work." Faith interrupted, swallowing uneasily.

Buffy ignored her. "I know this darkness has a tight wrap around you and that it's not going to let go of you easily. But you have to understand that I never gave up on you and I'm not about to start now. And if I have to knock some sense into you in order to bring you back, then so help me God, I will."

He laughed. "Poetic. But it didn't rhyme."

"I've got one for you." Faith said, an eyebrow perking. "What rhymes with 'life'?" She flicked out a long switchblade.

He straightened up. "At least one of you gets the idea." He clapped his hands once.

Out of the shadows, the demons in the tunics suddenly appeared, their lemur-like appearances instantly making chills race along Buffy's spine.

From behind Xander, the cloaked leader came. Just as she reached him, she drew back her hood. She was beautiful with dark hair and a flawless pallid complexion. At first, Buffy wondered if she was indeed a vampire. Somehow she didn't give off that vibe. She was something else.

Xander smiled as she approached and wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Been catching up, have we?" the woman said.

Buffy's jaw was clenched so tightly she wasn't aware that her teeth were gnashing together. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'll say, Xander, they are awfully rude for being friends of yours."

"Answer the question, bitch." Faith growled.

"I go by Amelia."

"What did you do to him?"

Amelia giggled. This time though, Xander didn't join in with her. He seemed strangely dumbstruck.

"Every imaginable torture that you can conceive."

Buffy stared at the pavement. 'Xander… forgive me… I didn't mean to…'

"My favorite parts, of course, were the lobotomies." Amelia continued, and stroked the stitches on Xander's face with a finger. "Always such a fun time investigating the human brain; changing things you don't like the look of…"

Buffy's stomach did several spins. She was going to be sick.

"Oh, well, we'll finish this conversation some other time. When you're feeling up to it." Amelia added, and put a hand on Xander's cheek. "Ready to go home?"

Her old friend looked at her and for moment's Buffy hoped that some little bit of him had survived, even if it was just a penny sized piece. Instead, he answered, "I thought you'd never ask."

With a snap of her fingers, they both vanished into a mist.

The creature's around them snarled and formed a ring slowly condensing around them.

Willow's frantic gasps told Buffy that she couldn't take all of these monsters at once.

Buffy didn't even know if she could keep her head in the game for long enough to concentrate.

Faith was the only one who seemed ready, clutching the knife in an offensive pose. "Just give me a reason, boys."

In the distance, the accelerating engine of a car grew louder and louder. Suddenly, a light blinded them from behind them, growing stronger and stronger with each passing moment.

The lemur demons shrieked in pain and tried to cover their eyes as they ran for the shadows. Faith jerked forward in an attempt to strike one. It was ready though and kicked up at her, catching her off guard. She fell against the pavement next to Buffy. "Damn little monkey." she groaned.

Someone was beating on the car horn ecstatically, the light becoming so hot now that it hurt for Buffy to try and look at it. Putting a hand up to shield her face, she recognized the bespectacled face behind the steering wheel.

Howls echoed into the night air as the creatures vanished into the shadows, their noises slightly resembling a hyena's, something that only made it harder for Buffy to think about all that had just happened.

Stern as ever, Rupert Giles exited the car.

Another figure stepped out on the opposite side. Buffy felt her entire being collapse at the presence of her younger sister, Dawn, her face drawn and sadness pulling at her brows. Buffy grabbed hold of her, throwing her arms around her slight figure.

Giles stared after the last escaping demon forms. "We should all get back to the house. We can come up with something there."

Everyone was slow to move. Not even Faith wanted to get up from her place on the ground but she did after a minutes time. Willow wordlessly pushed into the backseat, her eyes in a complete daze. Buffy made her way into the passenger seat while Dawn took a place in the back.

As Giles turned the car around, Buffy found her eyes traveling to the side view mirror, to the dingy alley that they were leaving far behind. That would forever and always now, be the place in her memory where the Alexander Harris she knew had died.


	14. And I've Realized I Was Wrong

The house was cold. As Buffy paced the silent halls in the darkness, she let her mind wander. It went to a place where all of the things she believed in hadn't turned topsy-turvy on her. It went where her friends were still all united and confided in one another. It was like the first summer they'd spent together as friends; after the Master had been destroyed.

She peered into a room as she passed it. It was Xander's room. Once upon a time, they had all crowded on the bed and watched bad horror flicks there. Xander would make diminutive comments about the monster's appearance or its method of attack. Buffy would criticize the heroine's lack of defense skills and clothing. And Willow would simply enjoy it for what it was, sometimes hiding behind Xander's shoulder if it was too frightening.

"Buffy!"

The scream split through her.

"Xander…" She whirled around. Nothing.

She dropped her face into her hands, taking deep breaths. She'd failed him. She'd let this happen to him. But she hadn't let this happen to him alone. In fact, she'd tried harder than the others, even harder than Willow.

Clomping down the stairs, she went into the living room and slumped into a chair. Everyone had gone to sleep. Nobody could talk. Even Giles had found it hard to start a topic.

She didn't know how they could just sleep. All she could picture when she closed her eyes was Xander, his gruesome face in the alley way, and his calling to her while she stood and did absolutely nothing for him. Maybe they weren't dreaming though. Perhaps everyone was laying on their backs, staring at the ceiling, and imagining the same thing.

"Buffy…"

She turned.

Had someone just whispered her name?

"Dawn?" she said carefully, knowing full well that it hadn't been her voice but hoping that it had been.

"Over here."

The whisper was urgent.

Buffy got to her feet. The voice seemed to be coming from the kitchen. Once there, she turned on the light. The counters were messy, the stove top was littered with crumbs and several plates were stacked in the sink, all coated with red tomato sauce from the frozen pizzas they'd barely eaten once returning. Most of it was still in the refrigerator. But there was no one else besides her.

"Buffy."

She turned. The cellar door was cracked open, the hinges squeaking slightly. She stayed where she was. Who would be down in the basement at that time of the night? She didn't want to know, and she didn't want to spend too much time there. She'd kept her visits to the basement a minimum ever since Spike…

Buffy closed her eyes, took a deep breath through her nose, and opened the door.

She couldn't see any movement at the bottom of the stairs. There were no lights on either.

Sliding a kitchen knife from the block, she began her descent. The further she walked, the more aware she was of a strong earthy smell, like dirt. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, Buffy found torches lining the walls, definitely not the basement she remembered. But that wasn't her main concern.

In the middle of the torch lit basement sat a stone block and on top was a body. Turning from side to side, she got closer until the firelight actually revealed a face.

"Xander!" She ran to his side. He wasn't moving, his eye was closed. He still carried the scars she'd seen when she'd seen him in the parking lot.

She felt the tears brimming as she studied his unmoving chest, his pale skin… 'How did he get here? Has he been here this whole time…?'

His eye suddenly shot open. "Buffy!"

* * *

Buffy sat up straight. Giles was staring at her from the driver's seat. "We're here."

She looked up. Home sweet home was there, all lit up. It suddenly didn't feel so comforting to her.

As they all trudged inside, Giles had them assemble in the living room. Buffy glanced at the clock. 11 p.m. It was still early and yet, she felt more tired than she had in a long time.

"What do we know?" Giles said.

The silence ate at Buffy. She watched Willow close her eyes and rub her hands together.

"Xander's gone completely cuckoo for cocoa puffs." Faith muttered.

Willow shot her a look. "Shut up."

Buffy was having difficulty trying to swallow. "He was with a demon named Amelia. She's behind the appearance of those lemur creatures. And she's done something to Xander. She's had him kidnapped this whole time."

Giles mulled over the information. "Right."

Willow shook her head. "I would have been able to feel if there had been dark magic used on him."

"And?"

"It wasn't there. But evil was."

Buffy's heart skipped a beat. "There still may be a way to bring him back. I don't think violence is the answer here. Plus he hasn't done anything to be seen as a threat yet."

"But Amelia is a threat." Dawn interrupted. "Right?"

Giles nodded. "And if Xander has aligned himself with her, we can't trust him. And we can't allow our feelings to overcome our judgment."

Buffy's blood grew hot. Though she felt like arguing with her old watcher, she withheld, mostly for the sake that it would get them nowhere.

"Now. This is what we're going to do." Giles said. "Dawn, you are going to research this Amelia. Find out just what she is and what her motives may be. Willow, you are going to work on a spell to subdue Xander..."

She blinked. "Subdue him? As in--"

He shook his head. "No, of course not. But we can't have him in the way if we try to kill Amelia and I have a feeling he won't make it easy for us to do that. Faith will get you supplies from the Magic Shop."

Faith rolled her eyes. "When did I become the slave?"

Giles ignored her. "Buffy, we are going to train."

Buffy set her jaw. What did he think she was; 12? As much as she hated to admit it, she needed someone to tell her what to do in this situation though and that was what Giles was good at.

As the group parted to do their tasks, Giles lead Buffy toward the kitchen and stopped in front of the basement door, opening it.

Buffy hesitated where she was.

He frowned. "Are you alright?"

The darkness seemed to reach out at her from there. She could still imagine Xander laying on that slab of stone in her dream, appearing dead. She didn't want to be down there in that cramped space only thinking about that.

"Buffy?"

"I can't." She shook her head. "Not down there."

Closing the door, he went to the back door and opened that. "Fine. Outside then."

Once she stepped out, the air seemed to become fresher, in more supply than it had been in that tiny room. She took a deep breath and hugged herself. It was a chilly night. The sky was deep purple, stars shining brilliantly, the air crisp.

"Buffy, I know how difficult this is for you…"

"You don't even know the half of it, Giles."

"Now, don't start that." He walked to her, putting an arm on her shoulder. "I've known Xander for as long as you have. This is a great shock to me as well. But we must focus if we're ever going to defeat him."

"This is Xander we're talking about." Her voice rose. "He and Willow are my best friends; they're my family. And when this happened to Willow, I did everything in my power to help her back from it. Xander needs and deserves my help just as much as she did."

"Yes, but that does not mean that you can let your guard down around him."

"I never said anything about letting down my guard!"

"But you will. In an attempt to communicate and get through to him, you will let down your guard. We need to first render him harmless before we can do anymore."

"We can't exactly declaw him, Giles. We don't even know what he's capable of."

"We'll find out sooner or later."

She sighed and sat on a bench. "They tortured him."

Giles's expression softened.

"They gave him lobotomies, scarred half of his face until nothing was left… and that whole time, I thought he'd finally left, gotten tired of the good fight." She closed her eyes, feeling the tears fall. "I let him down."

She felt the bench creak as Giles sat down next to her and put an arm around her. "You couldn't have known, Buffy."

"I should have."

"But you didn't know. None of us could have known. What was said during your argument was just between the two of you. If it was enough for you to feel that he wouldn't be coming back than it was a likely option."

"It wasn't like that. I crowded him. I made him feel bad about reaching out in the only way he could. And the dumbest part of it is that I was mad he didn't reach out to me."

Giles pulled her close and she cried into his coat, completely forgetting about the cold.

* * *

Giles allowed Buffy to for-go the training for the moment until they had a clearer picture of what they were up against. It didn't stop Faith though, who could be heard working out in the basement downstairs.

Trying to ignore the disturbing déjà vu of her dream, Buffy fixed the frozen pizzas for dinner. As she waited for them to finish cooking, Willow ran in from the living room. "Buffy! We've got trouble."

Willow brought her back into the living room and pointed to the television. The news was on, and there was coverage of what looked like a fire.

"… and sources are saying the blaze started only a half an hour ago. However, firefighters and police are not able to get close due to a group of armed men who are guarding the building."

Buffy squinted at the picture. "Is that one of the buildings at the college?"

Willow shook her head. "Fraternity house. The same one that--"

"I know." Buffy didn't Willow to finish. It was the same fraternity house that Anya had killed a group of boys in while performing a vengeance request for a girl.

Then, they showed the group of armed men on the television and it made Buffy freeze. "Xander."

"Why burn it down?" Dawn had come into the room.

"Bad memories of a Bad Anya." Buffy said. "He doesn't want to remember her like that."

"If he remembers at all." Faith said, also suddenly there.

Buffy turned on her. "Of course he does. He's still Xander, no matter how different he believes he is."

Giles had been standing in the doorway, chewing on the arm of his glasses. "Right. Buffy, Faith, Willow, go to the college and stop Xander. Get him out of the way so that the police and fire crews can get to the fraternity house."

"What about me?" Dawn said as the three women stalked out the door.

"Keep searching. We need to know how to vanquish Amelia. That's the first step to helping Xander."


End file.
